It's been a terrible, horrible, no good very bad week.
Not to be dramatic, but I can't think of anything worse than writer's block, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's like your brain betrays everything you want to do, and for me, it's the start of a doom spiral that's really hard to get out of.
When My Writer's Block Started
Let me start by saying that last week was amazing. I got most of my freelance work done on Monday and Tuesday, my creative writing was thriving, my errands all felt easy-breezy, and I got go swimming.
I even had the chance to make up with an old friend and heal a major wound, and I am so happy to have her back in my life. Plus, I actually had a decent time subbing kindergarten (unlike the first time, which was a disaster and a half, but that'll be another post).
On Friday night, my boyfriend, Sam, and I got to hang out and have dinner with my sweet friends, Spencer and Rie, and their adorable baby, too! Everything was going well!
Then, Saturday hit. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, there was an ant infestation in our bedroom, and nothing went according to plan. We tried to go to the Peace Awareness Labyrinth and Gardens, but we drove all the way out there and braved some truly horrific traffic only to discover that they were closed for the day.
We tried to recalibrate and find something nearby, but we were in the middle of nowhere, and it seemed like everything was closed, so we went to the Arts District a few hours early instead (we had tickets to see an immersive show and art installation). Fortunately, some galleries there were open, and that really was the best part of the day. I've included a photo of Sam from the D*Face gallery in this blog to show you how much fun we had.
Although the galleries were an awesome consolation prize, I was really disappointed by the show we had actually paid for, called A Forest for the Trees.
A Forest for the Trees Review
I thought the concept was cool, and honestly, it worked as a pop-up art installation, but the "show," aspect wasn't much (really just some flashing lights). Also, the production values were low, and everything felt a bit preachy.
Overall, the exhibit just didn't feel worth what we paid for it. It would have been awesome if it was a walk-in style installation where you could make a donation to the cause, or even if it was $5 to $10, but it simply wasn't worth the ticket price and the way we had to structure our day around our entry time.
There were some cool things, though, so I've included pictures below:
I don't want to discourage anyone from going because that's not my style, and some of the things we saw there were neat, but if you do go, just know what you're getting into -- a small installation on a sound stage and some quick light shows. The interactive fire and the "never-ending well" (pictured above) were the best parts.
Continuing My Complaints
I hope you enjoyed that mid-rant review, but Saturday continued to be rough for me.
We went to the grocery store after the show to gather ingredients, then went home to cook some Ottolenghi recipes, but one of our housemates had used all of the olive oil -- a key ingredient for both recipes and something we could have picked up moments ago!
I had to go out again to get the oil, and by that time, I was pretty cranky and did some primal screams in the car on my way to the grocery store.
We ended up making some really good steak, the Harissa-Marinated Beef Sirloin with Preserved Lemon Sauce, along with an interesting and surprisingly delightful Cauliflower 'Tabbouleh.'
Really I have no reason to be cranky, but the day and then the evening just did not go according to plan, and that really bent me out of shape.
Sunday felt like licking our wounds (we had leftovers and I don't think we left the house), and this Monday (8/22) was actually a good day where I got into a flow state.
Okay, Maybe My Writer's Block Started Tuesday
After "my weekend from hell," and Monday, my "queue," of contracted clients looked like it was finished for the week, and I was excited to have some free time.
I decided to devote my entire day to creative writing Tuesday, but I sat down at my desk, and the words just didn't come.
I tried to revise a short story to submit it to a magazine and spent hours on one paragraph before agonizing about each sentence and even one-off words and feeling like I messed up the entire pace and the entire piece.
I made a lot of cuts and got it to a length I was happy with, so I did end up submitting it, but I totally lost faith in the story and the submission, so it didn't even feel good to accomplish my goal.
After that, I was supposed to work on my novel and just felt totally stuck. Nothing felt right on the page.
As such, I went out to buy a hamburger. It was delicious and the highlight of my day -- and the In-N-Out line wasn't even too long.
When I got home, however, I checked my work email and had a bunch of new requests, which were very welcome because when the freelancing slows down, so does the $$$.
Unfortunately, they were unexpected, as well, and made me feel a bit overwhelmed. I think a lot of this feeling came from the impression that I had already wasted so much of my "creative writing day."
I thought about getting one of my work requests out of the way, but I just didn't have the confidence to write -- even professionally. This was a low point because I have written professional pretty much every weekday since 2019.
So, I did what all great artists do when they're overwhelmed and took a nap.
Afterwards, I felt like I totally wasted my day. As the cherry on top, I went outside to drive my boyfriend and I to my friend, Caroline's, birthday party, and discovered a massive nail in my tire.
Apparently, I had picked it up when I went to get my hamburger.
My only remedy for the day was the morning hike I went on with friends (before I tried to start writing) -- and the Green Tea Martini and comforting Chinese food I got at the Formosa to celebrate Caroline's birthday.
I like to see my friends happy, too, so that warmed my heart even though I had a shitty day.
A Break in the Clouds?
Tuesday evening drinks were a relief, but I am sad to admit that today hasn't been much better than yesterday.
I failed to wake up to go swimming before work because I was feeling so exhausted from yesterday, I had to start my day by calling AAA and hanging out at the tire shop, and my work kept getting interrupted.
I did manage to finish a blog for a client, though my confidence in it is low (even though I'm sure it's fine, and if it's not, I am happy to work with my editor).
Next, I went to fulfill another client request but had technical difficulties and spent an hour on the phone to no avail. Sadly, this troubleshooting made the whole project less worthwhile because I wasn't getting paid for it.
Ultimately, I cut my losses and worked on some tasks for the Artist's Way, which has been an absolute joy for me (one of my goals Tuesday was to write a blog for you about my experience, but that will have to come later).
After I danced around my bedroom and pretended to go skinny dipping in Paris with my many lovers, I felt pretty refreshed but still bummed out about not writing anything.
So, I wrote this blog.
I am, of course, worried that it sounds whiny or that it's not very good, but I hope that's just my writer's block talking -- or as The Artist's Way puts it, my "censor."
Additionally , after returning to social media where everyone's lives look perfect, I figured we could all need some realness.
If you want to let me know what you thought about my blog, talk about art galleries downtown, or just discuss writer's block, please use my contact form or send me an email at loganrosereadsandwrites at gmail dot com.
I always look forward to hearing from you, and if you want to work with me... look how well I work through writer's block LOL. Talk soon ~Logan