I Had a Bad Week but a Good Weekend...
And now I feel ready for the week ahead.
My week was bad because I felt bad. I’ve been oversleeping, which leads to a near-permanent groggy feeling, and I recently got back to working on my novel after a round of painful rejections, which took a lot of energy and emotional fortitude.
I’ve also been battling a lot of self-doubt lately, and I’m still adjusting to my new environment in Germany. Plus, work has been more taxing than normal, and I’ve been teaching Rizzo the cat to enjoy a new diet and use a new litter box, which is going about as well as you would imagine (queue cat poop on the floor).
By Friday, I was feeling totally burnt out, especially because Sam and I stayed up late to see Ari Aster’s new film, Beau is Afraid, on Thursday, and we had a classic sleep-deprived squabble. (The film was good: super weird and scary but funny and meaningful in a surreal sort of way).
Instead of forcing myself to work through bad feelings and sleepiness on Friday, I gave myself permission to rest. It was rainy outside, so I brewed a tea, curled up under a blanket with Rizzo, and read a book.
I’m really enjoying my book, by the way. It’s called Less by Andrew Sean Greer, and it’s all about feeling out of place. So far, the novel is tender and funny. It has a sweet, observational quality and attempts to make sense of this little thing we call life.
Lately, I’ve been writing a lot of random short stories to try and make sense of things, too. I feel like that’s my job as a writer – to make sense of the experiences I’ve been given and hope that someone else finds solace in my discoveries.
That job feels difficult lately, especially as I can’t get over this feeling that I’m screaming into the void. My previous struggle was finishing projects, and now it seems to be getting them out there and finding my audience (tips on that very welcome)!
Sometimes, I get tired of my own voice, as well, and if I’m tired of it, I can’t begin to imagine having an audience, in the first place.
Still, I know that it’s all about showing up, so here I am – showing up on the page, and here you are – reading what I have written. Thank you.
Everyone Is Welcome at a Drag Show
Now, for the fun part! This weekend, Sam and I went shopping at H&M. We got some clothes for our upcoming trip to Singapore, and I got a pair of fabulous purple pants. I also bought a men’s button down with a Keith Haring pattern because the art ho inside of me could literally not resist.
Luckily, I had the perfect occasion for my new outfit – a Eurovision themed drag show!
I loved seeing drag in Heidelberg because drag has this beautiful, all-inclusive feeling that transcends language and nationality.
The performances were conducted in a combination of English and German, and it was just great to be in a place where we were so clearly welcome. We also watched a live stream of Eurovision and had a few glasses of wine. There was such a celebratory, unified energy that it didn’t matter that we were an American and a Brit out of place in Germany – it only mattered that we were there and having fun.
The next day, we met our new friend, Brynne, for coffee and a hike through the vineyards of Rohrbach. We also ended at a little spot where you can feed deer through a fence, and we shared a cute little picnic that Sam packed.
At night, Sam and I fried up a steak with a fresh side salad and some baked potatoes, then we walked down the hill to get dark chocolate gelato before the shop closed for the evening.
I called my mom for Mother’s Day, then we watched a video about Singapore and went to sleep.
I’m not gonna lie, I felt sleepy and groggy again this morning, but I forced myself up with the alarm and ground some coffee with our new, manual grinder.
Now, it’s about 11am, and I’ve already taken a nice walk, played around writing a short story, and written this blog. After I share it on social, I’m planning to pop to the local market, have some lunch, and get to work doing script coverage.
I hope you had a fun, restful weekend and that your week is also getting off to a good start. Thank you for reading, from the bottom of my heart. I hope to have some new creative work out soon (I'm still figuring out my submission/ publication processes, so soon is relative).